Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Sunday, September 29, 2013
BUT,...WHAT IF I'M GAY...??
BUT...WHAT IF I AM GAY???
I purposely, stayed away from discussing issues related to people who choose to be involved with those of their same sex for a good reason. The reason is NOT because I am homophobic or that I do not like gay people. The reason is that I believe that whomever you choose to have sex with is essentially YOUR BUSINESS. Heterosexuals don't (and they shouldn't) go around telling people what they do in their bedrooms all day long. They could be hanging from the ceiling, wearing costumes, using whips and chains...whatever! I really couldn't care less...UNLESS... they are involving small children, their grandparents or their pets. THAT kind of behavior is illegal and abnormal, so those people need to be reported to the authorities or they should go to see a psychiatrist, immediately! Otherwise, sex is an ADULT (over 18 y/o please), PRIVATE ACTIVITY that should remain behind closed doors.
I am a truly liberated and a very sexual creature, but I do not (I repeat)...I do not need to go around shaking my ass or riding on a wrecking ball like (you know who) like some kind of sex-maniac just to prove to anybody that I have a body or that I am old enough to have sex. Whatever! I am thoroughly appalled at the pictures that people are taking these days of their asses, and the so-called new dance called "twerking." It is not new at all and we've been doing it for centuries. It's really called having simulated sex standing up while the music is playing! Duh! It is as tasteless and vulgar today as it was 50 years ago when my parents were doing it...and they called it "Doing the Dog." So, you see... young people always think that they invented stuff that's been around for ages just because their hormones have started pumping and THEY'VE never seen it or done it before.
But, seriously ---the whole issue of gay marriage is personal and political and, I cannot or should not voice my personal opinions about whether or not homosexuality is "NORMAL." My short answer is that it may be normal, according to today's standards...but is it RIGHT? That's the main question. That is a whole different can of worms and I am not going to go there in this forum. What I will say is this: People come together in RELATIONSHIPS for different reasons (recall my previous statements on KARMA AND REINCARNATION) and a homosexual relationship may be merely their particular soul's way of working out past KARMA. That's all I have to say about it, right now. I will let you do the research on how our souls choose to present themselves to the world in regards to its intended sexuality and leave it at that.
In reference to all the other elements of marriage...everything else is the same and may be even more important. Gay people, in general, have unusual EMOTIONAL issues that heterosexual people may not have... related to how the society or family members (especially the families) accepts their chosen lifestyle or not. This aspect of people's relationships is very important because it is also something that interracial couples, interfaith couples, and intercultural couples deal with, but not to extent that gay couples do. That is because interracial dating or intercultural dating, for example, is not CONDEMNED OR FORBIDDEN by the society, in general. When you are forced to face the strong and sometimes dangerous or violent condemnation of how you feel about another human whom you happen to love, it takes a huge toll on the emotional stability of not only the partners, but it threatens to destroy the relationship from the beginning. I have faced being shunned by my family for dating someone whom they believed was UNWORTHY of my affections, or beneath me in stature, however no one has ever threatened to KILL them, or do serious physical harm to them if I didn't stop seeing them or didn't choose to divorce them. This type of emotional firestorm is potentially super destructive in and of itself, without having to deal with the other person's personality flaws, financial situation or spiritual beliefs, also.
If your intended partner is struggling with their sexual identity, or how they are or are not being accepted in the world, I would suggest that the two of you get counseling just like any other couple who is coping with serious emotional issues. I have found that gay couples have a lot more problems with ANGER issues and FINANCIAL problems related to how they make or spend their money. I have also found that celebrity couples have similar issues related to their anger or how their mates handle money. This is exactly the reason why I said in the beginning, that this advice has NOTHING to do with how much money you have, what you look like, or what you do for a living. EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS are emotional problems regardless of where you come from, or where you are going in this life.
Homosexuals AND celebrity couples also must deal with more Sexually Transmitted Disease issues because of the fact that they have more opportunities to be EXPOSED to those diseases than most other people. When a person decides that they either want to be a celebrity or marry a celebrity, you will have to make some very special and specific decisions concerning how you are going to handle the UNWANTED OR UNWARRANTED SEXUAL ATTENTION that you or your mate will get. Celebrities have higher divorce rates mainly because of their ego, and financial or infidelity issues. I am not so sure that I would want to marry someone like a Denzel Washington or LeBron James mainly because my ego could not take the attention that the other women would shower on them And, should I become a major celebrity, my husband would have to be secure in his own manhood, and my love for him enough to KNOW that our love was rock solid.
But, getting back to gay people who must also consider raising or having children...this difficult issue must be faced early on in the relationship because (with all due respect ) "spit don't make babies." This is probably THE most important issue outside of finances or anger because this decision usually involves the opinions and desires of THE EXTENDED FAMILY. A person who has children already and discovers their true sexuality later, runs the very real risk of losing their children in custody battles either before or after the pending divorce. Mothers (it's usually the grandmothers for some reason) who want grandchildren, pressure their gay children to get help with their "problem" so they can have babies like everyone else. School age children are bullied for having gay parents and straight teenagers wrestle with defining their own sexuality, and wonder if they will become like their gay parent. This is why EXTENSIVE COUNSELING is absolutely necessary to prevent suicides, runaways, violence, financial devastation, incarceration and a whole host of other problems that MUST be addresses BEFORE two gay people can decide whether they want to get married or not.
AGAIN, if these issues are not and cannot be resolved...YOU MUST REMAIN FRIENDS. Unless you just don't give a rat's ass about what anybody else thinks and your love is strong enough to endure all the harassment that you are surely bound to get!
Just remember: "All that glitters is not gold" and "You can't judge a book by it's cover."
Friday, September 27, 2013
What Did I Come Here for Again?
WHAT DID I COME HERE FOR AGAIN?"The energy that we have given a negative spin will also return to us. Perhaps we will be on the receiving end of the same kind of selfish act or harsh word we sent forth. Maybe we will find ourselves in a situation where we must give ourselves to those we have ignored in the past. Whatever the case, we will once again have the opportunity to make the choice: Will we put a positive or negative spin on our thoughts, our words and our deeds?"
From KARMA AND REINCARNATION by Elizabeth C. Prophet
Whether or not you believe in the concepts of Karma and Reincarnation is a moot point, which means that it is UN-arguable. There are many examples of it in various religious books around the world. "What goes around, comes around," "You reap what you sow," ...are sayings we all have heard and are very familiar with. And I, personally have seen first hand how mistreating someone can come back on you, and how treating people well can be beneficial to you. What does all of this have to do with marriage?
Again, we need a definition: 1. The FORMAL union of a man and a woman (two people) typically as recognized by LAW, by which they become husband and wife. 2. The combination or mixture of elements. Obviously, there have been some changes to this definition over the last hundred years or so, regarding legality, personalities, locations, etc. However, the second part of the definition has not changed...a mixture of elements. But, it is exactly what those elements are that has changed also. Two people may have come together to work out their individual or their collective KARMA. They may have come together to bring a particular child's soul to earth. Whether you believe in KARMA AND REINCARNATION or not, is not important. What's important is that we are here on Earth to learn lessons from one another and the situation of being married (even just dating) is the perfect environment for our souls to get some great SPIRITUAL EXERCISE. When two people live together, they cannot help but learn about human relations from one another. That...My friends is the purpose of Marriage.
Modern life is extremely complicated and stressful. Living well in this time of history is difficult to say the least. However, there are a few things that people can do to make life a bit easier. 1. Get a good education. 2. Learn to stay healthy , even if you are ill or disabled you can learn healthier living. 3. Acquire Spiritual information and training. The influences of our childhood and parents has much to do with our approach to these elements, however as adults we can make our own decisions about how we choose to do this. I am not going to suggest that you study any particular religion or philosophy. What I am going to tell you is that WITHOUT an education in various subjects, you become a very dull, and uninteresting person indeed. You also run the risk of becoming subjected to many negative influences which I have explained previously is something we are trying to eliminate. Therefore, the more educated and sophisticated we become about the world, the easier it becomes to SHARE our ideas, goals and views with others.
Marriage is the MUTUAL ATTRACTION of two people's views about the world. I am not making any moral judgements here. What I am saying is that unless your view of the world is compatible to that of your partner's, you are going to have some serious problems. And, don't think that you are going to change someone's views and opinions...that is not your place. If someone does not agree with what you think or believe...keep it moving. NEXT!!
Making the choice of whether or not to have children is extremely personal. Children are born under very different circumstances, for very different reasons. I could, and I have written several books about what happens when children are not raised properly. I cannot go into the subject completely in this forum. All I am going to say is this:
1. Children should never be used as tools for creating, maintaining or ending a relationship. To do so, is called child abuse in the worse form.
2. A child cannot keep two people together who are not meant to be together.
3. Children should never be used as pawns in any legal proceeding.
4. No one should use another person as a baby-making machine, just because they want a child in their lives. Babies don't stay babies forever...they grow into adolescents and adults with problems.
5. If you do not know how to raise a child properly you should forget about having children, period.
6. If you cannot provide a good life for your child because of the lack or education, resources, family support or you have severe health issues, you should reconsider having children.
7. The decision to bring a child into the world should never be taken lightly. They are not pets...You can't take them to the pound, or back to the hospital, or the baby store when things don't go the way you planned. It is, and should be a decision that will affect you for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND YOUR CHILD'S' LIFE, TOO!!
1. Children should never be used as tools for creating, maintaining or ending a relationship. To do so, is called child abuse in the worse form.
2. A child cannot keep two people together who are not meant to be together.
3. Children should never be used as pawns in any legal proceeding.
4. No one should use another person as a baby-making machine, just because they want a child in their lives. Babies don't stay babies forever...they grow into adolescents and adults with problems.
5. If you do not know how to raise a child properly you should forget about having children, period.
6. If you cannot provide a good life for your child because of the lack or education, resources, family support or you have severe health issues, you should reconsider having children.
7. The decision to bring a child into the world should never be taken lightly. They are not pets...You can't take them to the pound, or back to the hospital, or the baby store when things don't go the way you planned. It is, and should be a decision that will affect you for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND YOUR CHILD'S' LIFE, TOO!!
Mixing your FINANCES with another person is a major issue because essentially, that was the original purpose for marriage. Legal marriage is a fairly recent innovation. 100 years ago most people had common-law unions in which names, homes, money and parental responsibilities were shared, willingly and happily without problems. It was the more affluent citizens who needed the legal contracts to "insure the equitable distribution of assets" in case of divorce, or death of the parties. Today marriage is actually a two-fold proposition...the spiritual or religious ceremony...and, the legal paperwork. You can have either one without the other, but you cannot resolve any legal issues without the paperwork. This goes much deeper than giving up half of your assets in the event of a divorce, it has to do with parental responsibilities, health issues, education, residences, employment disruptions, and a host of other problems that could well be avoided by CHOOSING WISELY!
The most important issue involved in successful marriages is...yes...SEX! Again, I cannot do a thorough discussion of marital sexual issues in this forum. All you need to remember is this: SEX MAKES BABIES, DUH! Protect yourself, get frequent STD screenings, learn to please your partner while pleasing yourself. Communicating BEFORE SEX actually makes communicating AFTER SEX much easier. Never use sex as a weapon...never use sex for revenge...never use sex to conquer the genders...never use sex to prove your sexuality. Be honest with others and yourself about what your sexual needs and issues are...and get help with those issues, if necessary.
I won't go into the issue of infidelity here because my personal views are very different than other people's, and are not important. I will say this: if your mate cheats or if you cheat on them, THERE IS A REASON! Investigate the reason, and find a solution. Don't let anger and resentment build and grow because naturally, it will destroy the relationship.
The most important issue involved in successful marriages is...yes...SEX! Again, I cannot do a thorough discussion of marital sexual issues in this forum. All you need to remember is this: SEX MAKES BABIES, DUH! Protect yourself, get frequent STD screenings, learn to please your partner while pleasing yourself. Communicating BEFORE SEX actually makes communicating AFTER SEX much easier. Never use sex as a weapon...never use sex for revenge...never use sex to conquer the genders...never use sex to prove your sexuality. Be honest with others and yourself about what your sexual needs and issues are...and get help with those issues, if necessary.
I won't go into the issue of infidelity here because my personal views are very different than other people's, and are not important. I will say this: if your mate cheats or if you cheat on them, THERE IS A REASON! Investigate the reason, and find a solution. Don't let anger and resentment build and grow because naturally, it will destroy the relationship.
When we are young we are concerned about sexual issues and children. As we age, we turn our focus toward career maintenance and financial issues. When we are older the focus becomes our health and surviving retirement. We all want to be loved and that is the most important thing in life. We should seek to maintain good friendships even with family members or the people with whom we are already connected. Being married is the "icing on the cake" of a good life. Seek to learn how to live well and marriage may or may not be an outcome. You just need to be READY when it comes!
So there you have it...The Marriage House is built on a firm foundation, you have done your decorating homework and you are ready to move in, right? Wait we forgot something...YOU HAVE TO FIND A MATE! Don't worry...if you've done everything correctly, YOUR MATE WILL FIND YOU!
So there you have it...The Marriage House is built on a firm foundation, you have done your decorating homework and you are ready to move in, right? Wait we forgot something...YOU HAVE TO FIND A MATE! Don't worry...if you've done everything correctly, YOUR MATE WILL FIND YOU!
If it is meant to be...it will be.
Termination...
TERMINATION sounds like such a terrible word because it reminds me of being terminated from my last job, although it eventually turned out to be a good thing, it was still very painful to go through it. The Terminator movie, starring Arnold Schwartzenegger back in 1989, was and still is one of my favorite movies. The Terminator was a killing machine, who would not be stopped until it achieved its mission of killing John Connor, the little boy who was supposed to grow up to be the leader of the "Resistance Movement" of the future. That sounds a lot like me, and my mission today...to TERMINATE the bad behaviors of people who are fighting to destroy our Society which is being ruled by Satan. I'd have to lose some weight before I could get into one of those tight leather suits like that chick Laura Croft, though. LOL!
But, do you see what I just did right there? I said that "I would need to lose some weight...", etc. When in reality all I need to do is keep on writing these blogs which have absolutely nothing to do with what I look like. I probably said that because we have been programmed by the society to think that we must do certain things before we can be loved and accepted by the world. This is true in a sense, because most of us are like big chunks of coal waiting to be pressurized into beautiful diamonds. Then, all we need is a skilled jeweler, or gemologist to turn that huge diamond into an
The first thing that must be TERMINATED is the idea that "You are not good enough." We Old School people used to say: "God don't make no junk." And, he surely doesn't! GOD makes everything good and perfect and then we HUMANS turn it into junk! Even the so-called "bad" stuff has a purpose, like dynamite... for example, has a useful purpose...but it's what we use it for, or how we use it that determines the outcome. So, why then do I say "we must change what is wrong?" Aren't I perfect just the way I am? Well, yes...and...no! How is your idea of perfect working out for you? Are you getting the results you desire? If not...then it's time for a change! Now, I could spend all day talking about how to become a better person...but that's not my job. That's Dr.Phil's and Dr. Oz' s job. My job is to tell you that physical and mental improvements are nice...but without SPIRITUAL improvements, you are just spinning your wheels...going absolutely nowhere.
So, the second thing we have to TERMINATE is Ineffective Results. If you keep doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result...that is the definition of INSANITY! If you keep dating or marrying the same kind of person you've been trying to get away from, you're going to get the same results. If you keep hanging out with the same people...you're gonna get the same results. If you do nothing to improve your life...you're gonna get the same results. "NOTHING FROM NOTHING LEAVES NOTHING" And, the definition of Intelligence is the ability to learn from your mistakes. It's not how many books you've read, or degrees you have on the wall...it's are you becoming an effective being who gets good results? If the answer to that question is YES, then you can stop reading or listening to me. If the answer is NO or SOMETIMES or MAYBE...then WE got some serious work to do.
The third thing we need to TERMINATE is Negative Influences. Now we all know what the negative influences are around us, don't we? Critical people, bad situations, chemicals, drugs, entertainment, etc., etc. The list will contain ANYTHING that takes you away from who you want to be or what you want to do. Sometimes negative influences are like a swarm of fruit flies or gnats flying around your head and you try to get rid of them but they just keep coming and coming, Right? Well, most of the time all you need to do is simply... MOVE...GET AWAY...or even better ISOLATE YOURSELF. This is where you have to LOVE YOURSELF more than you love the influences. If you can't stand being lonely...then you really can't stand your own company. Why would I want to spend time with anyone who doesn't even want to spend time with themselves? As that handsome football player once said: "I love me some me!" It's not being conceited...it just means that I don't need a bunch of stuff or people, or anything else around me to be happy. I can read, paint, cook, play some games, investigate the Universe...whatever! I am happy, just to be alive another day. I opened my eyes this morning, and everything else is downhill for the day. (In a good way) I believe that the Lord provides, we live in a beautiful and loving Universe, and I have so much to learn...why should I be sad or anxious?
So the next thing we need to TERMINATE is Unrealistic Expectations of the Future. This a big one folks, because there is a fine line between bursting your bubble and actually realizing your hopes and dreams. On the one hand, I am not going to tell you that you are too dumb to go to Harvard or too ugly or fat to be a model, or that you are an untalented jerk...but I am going to tell you to be REALISTIC about your goals and desires. You are not going to meet and marry a handsome millionaire or a beautiful Hollywood starlet if all you do is play video games, or take care of 20 cats while you surf the Internet dating sites all day. And, speaking of Internet dating...OMG...first off, very few sites are legitimate, they just want your money, it's very dangerous to date that way, and you would be better off taking a class at the local library in basket weaving, oil painting, or how to use a computer than trying to meet someone on Match.com or E-harmony. Now I am sure there are a lot of people who have found dates and gotten married that way, but I would advise you to do your homework learning about yourself and fixing your personality flaws first. That way if you do find someone you like, you'll have a better chance of having a more positive experience.
The last thing we are going to TERMINATE for now are BAD HABITS...This is another big one folks, and is probably the most important of all. And it is usually bad habits that can make or break a relationship. That's because it takes in a whole assortment of things that could be wrong in your life. It's not just things like drinking too much, or smoking or taking drugs...it also includes things like talking too much about anything: God, your kids, your family, your ex, your job, etc. Unless you know for sure that your partner or date is a really good listener, I would suggest that you keep your critiques, complaints and observations to yourself. Doing anything too much...too much shopping, TV, Internet, visiting friends, watching sports, exercising, food, etc. all the usual every day things, is detrimental to any relationship. But it also includes things like cleaning, reading books on top of books as an escape from life, avoiding conflict without resolutions, living in denial, bothering people when they don't want you around, etc. Bad habits essentially are anything that
a. Annoys the hell out of other people and
b. Wastes your precious time on earth.
We must take and do everything in moderation and seek BALANCE in our lives.
When you don't learn what you need to do to make positive changes in your life, you are wasting God's (and your own) precious time. Why should He or The Universe give you what you desire if you aren't doing what God wants you to do? God may want you to get married and maybe not. He may want you to have children, and maybe not. He may want you to merely be a friendly person and get along with everyone and become a Universal citizen...and maybe not. It is up to YOU to discover your purpose on earth. Then and only then can you hope to share that purpose with another person in your life. But, first you have to TERMINATE all that GARBAGE out of your present life to make your future life so much brighter.
Next time, I'm going to wrap it up with a definition of exactly what MARRIAGE really is...which you might think I would have started with, but I had to get all that other stuff out of the way first.
So we're almost ready to decorate and move the furniture into our Marriage House...see you next time!
Thursday, September 26, 2013
CONTINUATION
Before we continue...let's recap for a minute. Let's assume for a moment that you've analyzed your childhood, you know that you have some problems to work out AND you are raising children yourself. So, where do we go from here? First off, you are either in a relationship with someone right now...or you are not, right? There is no such thing as a "sometimes" relationship. Let's get real...those situations are called friendships! Unless your mate is serving overseas in battle, or they work for a company that has sent them away on business, or they are scouting out a new location to move the family to...whatever feelings you may have for them, I hope that they are pretty secure and they will continue. That's called a marriage. You know that your mate is coming home (hopefully) at some point, and the two of you are going to get your lives together back in order, and the marriage will continue. But, any other situation is called a friendship. Even if you two have vowed UNDYING LOVE for one another. You are still and should be just friends. No "friends with benefits", or "they're on my team"...or "But, we love each other so much..." None of that. But, the sad thing is...that sometimes even married people don't like each other, and are not friends, anymore. So, those people need to work on that aspect of their relationship, (seriously)...so they can remain married or else their relationship is dead in the water. So, the basis of any new relationship and even with your old relationships, is learning how to be someone's FRIEND.
So let's define friendship. "The state or condition of being with or among friends"...and, of course we all know how dictionaries work so now, we have to define the word friend. OK...So a friend is a person whom one KNOWS and with whom one has a "bond" of MUTUAL AFFECTION (that's an important point...so write that one down), typically (but not always) EXCLUSIVE of sexual or family relations. That would imply that once you have crossed the boundary of having sex with someone ...that you are no longer just friends. And, that may be absolutely true. That's the reason why when after two people have had sex for the first, (or the second or the hundredth) time then they will be lying in the bed looking up at the ceiling talking about..."OK...So what do we do now?"---"What do we call ourselves now?" ----"You gonna call me tomorrow?" Right? You know what I'm saying? So, truthfully...until you get to really KNOW the other person, it's best to just leave the sex alone. And, THAT'S the reason why sex before marriage should be dissuaded, in the beginning of a relationship. Not because the Bible or the Quaran, or the Torah says don't do it. It's because YOU DON'T KNOW THE OTHER PERSON, SO YOU HAVE TO WAIT!
You don't know if they are healthy, you don't know if they are sane, you don't know if they are loyal, you don't know if they will steal from you or your family. There is a whole boat load of stuff that you don't know about that person. Unless, you were born and raised with them, have lived with them, or their Grandma was your babysitter. You know what I am saying? And, even then, there are still some other things you need to know Are they ambitious, respectful, worldly, emotionally stabile, lazy, etc., etc.? The list goes on and on. Because what you need to KNOW is NOT whether or not they make a lot of money, or drive a nice car, or live in a nice apartment...you need to know if that person is going to support your dreams and aspirations, are they gonna bring you soup when you are sick, are they going to be there when you really need them? You feel me? Personally, I have never had that kind of loyalty in any of my long-term relationships.
My so-called mates left me hanging, literally holding the bag, out in the cold, kicked to the curb...because I didn't get the chance to really KNOW THEM. I never knew who they were deep, deep down inside. It went from having sex, to pretending to be a family, to making money, to having no money, to not having sex, and then BOOM! No more relationship. Because not only was the REAL love missing (did you catch that?)...we were not friends. So, there was no loyalty, no sense of obligation, no compassion, no duty...nothing to hold the relationship together and all we ended up with was arguments, bickering and severe legal problems. And, it's those legal problems that DESTROY PEOPLES LIVES. Everything from lawsuits, to incarceration, to bankruptcies, to everything in-between. Forget about DIVORCES...whew...that's a whole new can of worms there. We could go on about that all day long about the devastation that divorces cause! So why not do whatever you can to avoid all that drama?
The bottom line is...if you don't know your mate, or your potential mate...if you haven't built that foundation of trust and loyalty BEFORE you sign papers, or you have a baby, or you buy a house, or you just live together, or you expose your children (especially if you expose your children to this person) you are setting yourself up for RELATIONSHIP FAILURE! You are setting yourself up for a LIFE FAILURE! What is your hurry? If you are so impatient, and you can't control your hormones or your emotions, and you just need a place to live, or your money is running low, or "I really, really want to have a baby," or "Oh God...I'm so lonely, I can't stand it". No, you can't stand YOU! You need to learn to change your life...get healthy, (emotionally, spiritually, an physically)... try to fix your own problems, AND THEN...YOU CAN START THINKING ABOUT GETTING MARRIED, either for the first time, or for the next time, for the LAST TIME.
Otherwise, you can and you should pick the option of REMAINING FRIENDS. Visit, hang out, travel, eat dinner, drink coffee...TALK, TALK, TALK! Communication is the best thing in the world between friends. The people with whom I have had the best conversations were amongst my best relationships. We had common ideas, common goals, common tastes and desires. Those are the things that hold friendships together. THEN... after you BOTH agree (MUTUAL ATTRACTION) that taking the friendship to THE NEXT LEVEL is something you BOTH want...you can go ahead and do what you want. Until then...put the condoms away, turn off the sexy music, pick up a book and learn how to be someone who someone else can love and more importantly RESPECT! Respect is the most important element of ANY relationship, either business or personal. We know this, instinctively. So why would you want to be around anyone who abuses or disrespects you? Hopefully, you have worked on that self-esteem problem and gotten rid of it BEFORE you get into the Dating Pool, because otherwise the user and abuser sharks are going to be circling around your stupid carc-ass like so much chum in the ocean.
The thing I wanted to say about career choices is that marriage (or the lack thereof) can usually (but not always) determine your financial success in life. Go back to the beginning of this blog and read what is on the website link about how marriage and career success are intimately connected. Aside from giving you the opportunity to be exposed to many dating options, and thus having the money to date a better class of people, career choices give you the flexibility to make necessary decisions. Being married does not GUARANTEE financial success, no more than being financially successful can GUARANTEE marital bliss. However, I can say this with certainty...FAULTY MARRIAGE CHOICES CAN AND WILL DESTROY YOUR FINANCIAL STABILITY!!!
Look at it like building a mansion on a sand dune. It might be alright as long as the sun is shining, but the first hurricane that comes along is going to destroy your beautiful home. And, depending upon the severity of the storm and your insurance or your ability to rebuild, you will either be able to recover or you will be devastated for the rest of your life. That is why the decision to marry the right person, UNDER THE RIGHT CIRCUMSTANCES will be, and IS THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION that you will make in your life. The ONLY insurance and assurance that you can get against Marital Destruction is believing in a higher power that can and will guide your steps toward building a better foundation in your life--- and more importantly, in YOUR CHILDREN'S lives. Witness the scandals, the divorce rate and the seemingly total collapse of the family structure in our society. When the family collapses...the WHOLE society is not far behind. So yes...the microcosm of a simple good marriage has a whole lot to do with the world at large. That is why it is so important for you to choose wisely!
So...Happy Building! Your Relationship-to-Marriage Home is almost finished!
So let's define friendship. "The state or condition of being with or among friends"...and, of course we all know how dictionaries work so now, we have to define the word friend. OK...So a friend is a person whom one KNOWS and with whom one has a "bond" of MUTUAL AFFECTION (that's an important point...so write that one down), typically (but not always) EXCLUSIVE of sexual or family relations. That would imply that once you have crossed the boundary of having sex with someone ...that you are no longer just friends. And, that may be absolutely true. That's the reason why when after two people have had sex for the first, (or the second or the hundredth) time then they will be lying in the bed looking up at the ceiling talking about..."OK...So what do we do now?"---"What do we call ourselves now?" ----"You gonna call me tomorrow?" Right? You know what I'm saying? So, truthfully...until you get to really KNOW the other person, it's best to just leave the sex alone. And, THAT'S the reason why sex before marriage should be dissuaded, in the beginning of a relationship. Not because the Bible or the Quaran, or the Torah says don't do it. It's because YOU DON'T KNOW THE OTHER PERSON, SO YOU HAVE TO WAIT!
You don't know if they are healthy, you don't know if they are sane, you don't know if they are loyal, you don't know if they will steal from you or your family. There is a whole boat load of stuff that you don't know about that person. Unless, you were born and raised with them, have lived with them, or their Grandma was your babysitter. You know what I am saying? And, even then, there are still some other things you need to know Are they ambitious, respectful, worldly, emotionally stabile, lazy, etc., etc.? The list goes on and on. Because what you need to KNOW is NOT whether or not they make a lot of money, or drive a nice car, or live in a nice apartment...you need to know if that person is going to support your dreams and aspirations, are they gonna bring you soup when you are sick, are they going to be there when you really need them? You feel me? Personally, I have never had that kind of loyalty in any of my long-term relationships.
My so-called mates left me hanging, literally holding the bag, out in the cold, kicked to the curb...because I didn't get the chance to really KNOW THEM. I never knew who they were deep, deep down inside. It went from having sex, to pretending to be a family, to making money, to having no money, to not having sex, and then BOOM! No more relationship. Because not only was the REAL love missing (did you catch that?)...we were not friends. So, there was no loyalty, no sense of obligation, no compassion, no duty...nothing to hold the relationship together and all we ended up with was arguments, bickering and severe legal problems. And, it's those legal problems that DESTROY PEOPLES LIVES. Everything from lawsuits, to incarceration, to bankruptcies, to everything in-between. Forget about DIVORCES...whew...that's a whole new can of worms there. We could go on about that all day long about the devastation that divorces cause! So why not do whatever you can to avoid all that drama?
The bottom line is...if you don't know your mate, or your potential mate...if you haven't built that foundation of trust and loyalty BEFORE you sign papers, or you have a baby, or you buy a house, or you just live together, or you expose your children (especially if you expose your children to this person) you are setting yourself up for RELATIONSHIP FAILURE! You are setting yourself up for a LIFE FAILURE! What is your hurry? If you are so impatient, and you can't control your hormones or your emotions, and you just need a place to live, or your money is running low, or "I really, really want to have a baby," or "Oh God...I'm so lonely, I can't stand it". No, you can't stand YOU! You need to learn to change your life...get healthy, (emotionally, spiritually, an physically)... try to fix your own problems, AND THEN...YOU CAN START THINKING ABOUT GETTING MARRIED, either for the first time, or for the next time, for the LAST TIME.
Otherwise, you can and you should pick the option of REMAINING FRIENDS. Visit, hang out, travel, eat dinner, drink coffee...TALK, TALK, TALK! Communication is the best thing in the world between friends. The people with whom I have had the best conversations were amongst my best relationships. We had common ideas, common goals, common tastes and desires. Those are the things that hold friendships together. THEN... after you BOTH agree (MUTUAL ATTRACTION) that taking the friendship to THE NEXT LEVEL is something you BOTH want...you can go ahead and do what you want. Until then...put the condoms away, turn off the sexy music, pick up a book and learn how to be someone who someone else can love and more importantly RESPECT! Respect is the most important element of ANY relationship, either business or personal. We know this, instinctively. So why would you want to be around anyone who abuses or disrespects you? Hopefully, you have worked on that self-esteem problem and gotten rid of it BEFORE you get into the Dating Pool, because otherwise the user and abuser sharks are going to be circling around your stupid carc-ass like so much chum in the ocean.
The thing I wanted to say about career choices is that marriage (or the lack thereof) can usually (but not always) determine your financial success in life. Go back to the beginning of this blog and read what is on the website link about how marriage and career success are intimately connected. Aside from giving you the opportunity to be exposed to many dating options, and thus having the money to date a better class of people, career choices give you the flexibility to make necessary decisions. Being married does not GUARANTEE financial success, no more than being financially successful can GUARANTEE marital bliss. However, I can say this with certainty...FAULTY MARRIAGE CHOICES CAN AND WILL DESTROY YOUR FINANCIAL STABILITY!!!
Look at it like building a mansion on a sand dune. It might be alright as long as the sun is shining, but the first hurricane that comes along is going to destroy your beautiful home. And, depending upon the severity of the storm and your insurance or your ability to rebuild, you will either be able to recover or you will be devastated for the rest of your life. That is why the decision to marry the right person, UNDER THE RIGHT CIRCUMSTANCES will be, and IS THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION that you will make in your life. The ONLY insurance and assurance that you can get against Marital Destruction is believing in a higher power that can and will guide your steps toward building a better foundation in your life--- and more importantly, in YOUR CHILDREN'S lives. Witness the scandals, the divorce rate and the seemingly total collapse of the family structure in our society. When the family collapses...the WHOLE society is not far behind. So yes...the microcosm of a simple good marriage has a whole lot to do with the world at large. That is why it is so important for you to choose wisely!
So...Happy Building! Your Relationship-to-Marriage Home is almost finished!
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
INTRODUCTION
"Just as having a happy marriage doesn’t guarantee career success (for men or women), not having one doesn’t guarantee failure. If you need proof, look at Nora Ephron, Madeleine Albright, Maya Angelou, Condoleezza Rice, Carly Fiorina, and the thousands of other women who succeeded professionally despite not choosing “well” the first time or not choosing at all. Did you know Maya Angelou married three times? And although she doesn’t publicize it much, Sandberg is on husband number two.
I have tremendous admiration and respect for anyone who picks the “right” partner on the first try. But for those who don’t, please don’t believe this will make or break your career success or your happiness. It won’t. Those things, for the most part, are up to you."
http://www.the-broad-side.com/
"Just as having a happy marriage doesn’t guarantee career success (for men or women), not having one doesn’t guarantee failure. If you need proof, look at Nora Ephron, Madeleine Albright, Maya Angelou, Condoleezza Rice, Carly Fiorina, and the thousands of other women who succeeded professionally despite not choosing “well” the first time or not choosing at all. Did you know Maya Angelou married three times? And although she doesn’t publicize it much, Sandberg is on husband number two.
I have tremendous admiration and respect for anyone who picks the “right” partner on the first try. But for those who don’t, please don’t believe this will make or break your career success or your happiness. It won’t. Those things, for the most part, are up to you."
http://www.the-broad-side.com/
This blog is not going to be a manual about how to find a millionaire, or how to get a beautiful model/actress to fall in love with you, or how to have gorgeous children and live happily ever after. Besides,---as the above quote shows, there are hundreds of books on the market that will tell you what YOU THINK you need to know about getting married. But, I am going to tell you what you need to KNOW you KNOW about being the kind of person who wants to and is able to be the kind of person someone else wants to marry.
If you knew me personally, you would probably ask me what do I know about being married since I have never been married? Well...not legally that is, but I have had 3 long term relationships lasting over 5 years each, in which I shared residence, had children, performed housework, signed leases and did everything else that "married" people do, just without the ceremony, big white dress, fancy party, getting a messy divorce or all that other unnecessary "pomp and circumstance" that most people are accustomed to.
Don't be shocked if I tell you some things that you don't want to hear or do. If I didn't do that, then I wouldn't be doing my job properly. It is not that love and marriage is hard work, like most relationship counselors want you to think. Love and marriage with THE WRONG PERSON is hard work. Love and marriage to someone WHO DOESN'T HAVE A CLUE about what love and marriage is all about, is hard work. And, love and marriage with someone who DOESN'T WANT TO LEARN what love and marriage is all about, is even worse and even harder work.
This blog is going to be broken down into three sections: PREPARATION, CONTINUATION, AND TERMINATION. These are the things that we need to do "CONSCIOUSLY" before we get into a relationship that we hope will lead to marriage. I have not had a successful marriage, but I have had several successful relationships. Unfortunately, those relationships did not (and did not have to) culminate in signing papers, having children or going through a nasty and expensive divorce proceeding. Sometimes, marriage just is not "in the cards" (so to speak) for two people, and it is better for those two people to remain friends and keep it moving.
One thing I can tell you for sure...I did not choose well --- and I was not prepared to get married. I am still learning and I have learned from my past mistakes AND I've gathered enough material to write about it here. Without going into too much personal detail (because that is not necessary) I can tell you that I wish I had had someone to tell me how to do it. ("If I only knew then what I know now!") This is probably the reason that some cultures have arranged marriages, because young people are too stupid, or too trusting, or too hormone driven to make these types of decisions on their own. In some respects, that may be true...so why is there not more "MARRIAGE TRAINING" in schools or churches around the world? Well...in some respects there is...but it is disguised as RELIGION or DATING ADVICE. But, what I have found is that Religious leaders give people moral advice, and advice on how to be a "good Christian" or a "good Muslim" etc., they don't teach you how to break out of the mold of your parental upbringing or the society's expectations of your personal behavior in order to be truly happy with your chosen life partner.
And, dating advice never truly addresses the PSYCHOLOGICAL aspects of marriage and dating or the MORAL implications. That is because most people don't like to be either told that there may be something wrong with them emotionally, or mentally...nor do they want to be told who they can have sex with or not.
I do not want to know how to pick a good person...I know what a good person looks and feels like. I want to know what to do when that "good person" turns out to be a jerk or a user, but I've already put my love and trust in God and in them to "do the right thing" but THEY DON'T DO IT!!! You see...Religion is not a substitute for PSYCHOLOGICAL STABILITY. There are a bunch of people running around out there who are getting married, or who are already married to other people WHO ARE NOT NORMAL AND WHO HAVE SERIOUS PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS. That, my friend...is the bottom line for all relationship problems...for all business problems...for all religious problems...for all the problems concerning how people get along in this world in general.
SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST PLAIN BAT SHIT CRAZY!!! (Please excuse the profanity.)
This has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not you are gay or straight, believe in a particular religion's tenets or not, have lots of money or not, or whether you are attractive, intelligent, or talented or not. It has everything to do with discovering who you are as a person...so that you can BE the person you want to marry. What's that you say...Carla J.? That's right...I said: "You need to already be the person whom you wish to attract to marry." In the metaphysical world this is called the principal of Mutual Attraction or "like attracts like." You attract to your life the people, situations, jobs, physical objects, etc...everything that your mind is attracted to and thinks about constantly. But, it is not enough to attract that which you desire...you must know what to do with it after you get it. (Be careful of what you wish for... you just might get it!)
That is the reason for this blog. I am going to tell you how to attract that which you desire by being prepared for it. Because if you are not truly ready for it...it is not going to come. The Universe is MUCH SMARTER than you are. It knows what you need even before you know what you need...and it is just laying and waiting for you to recognize the signs that what you want is on the way
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PREPARATION
Do you know that you get married in your mind BEFORE you actually get married in reality? It is mostly little girls who dream of being a mommy, having a home, taking care of a family, etc. Men sort of just go along with the program and somewhere around college age they figure out that it is time to find a suitable mate, settle down, have kids, yada, yada, yada. But, it is usually the women in their lives who are the driving force toward them actually getting married. That is why it is so important for the females in a society to be careful about how they approach life, how they are raised by their parents to approach life, and how they raise their children to approach life,in general. Whether or not two people eventually decide to marry or divorce, is a decision that will effect a female's entire life from the day she is born until the day she dies. Why?--- It's because females CARRY LIFE (period!)
The progress or downfall of any society can be measured by how well they treat or take care of their female citizens. If your females are abused, mistreated, discriminated against, confused, held down or held back...your society cannot and will not ADVANCE. I don't care how much progress you THINK the world has made up to this point...we are headed for a rude awakening when it comes to how well we have treated women in this (meaning the Western) and many other societies. When you lose respect for the development of your females...you might as well just kiss your futures good-bye.
Therefore, it is paramount for us to concentrate on how well we are raising our daughters. Then and only then will our sons be able to learn how to be father's,--- not from their mothers, but from the fathers who have learned from their fathers who have learned from their fathers, who have treated the women in their lives with love and respect. Do you see where I am going with this? If a son cannot and does not love and respect his own mother...how can he ever hope to learn how to love and respect the other women in his life? A good husband is a good son...and, a good daughter will make a good mother, who in turn will make a good wife...who in turn will keep her husband happy, who in turn will teach his sons how to keep their wives happy etc., etc.. Like the Chinese people say: "Happy wife...happy life."
So be very, very careful about who and what influences your children. Learn to be a good parent BEFORE you lay down to share your bodily fluids with ANYONE. We need to work on reversing or improving the marriage material we have within our beings that we acquired from our parents, and then use that as a FOUNDATION upon which we will build our marriage home. Without that foundation...your pending marriage or the one you have only dreamed about will be a failure before it has ever begun.
I don't know many people who were raised by wolves, (although they might act like the were) or people who were abandoned at birth by their mothers. SOMEBODY raised you to be the person who you are today. Yes, you have "developed" your personality, from outside influences and the other people you have been around. And, your family dynamics have very much (almost everything) to do with your personal future marital bliss. That is not to say that if you come from happy parents that you will definitely be happy, or if your parents divorced that your marriage will be an utter disaster. However, we do tend to learn from example. Therefore, if the example you had growing up is not working for you, then just get some new examples. Find out from old married couples what's kept them together. Ask other couples who are happy (or, at least appear to be happy), what's their secret. Read books, take notes, go to classes. Do whatever it is you need to do to FIX YOU...FIRST!!!
This has absolutely nothing to do with money, what you look like, what you do for a living, or anything like that. It is all about finding out if you are alright with who you are right now. Are you crazy? Did your parents or somebody else in your life make you crazy? Can you get along with people in general under most circumstances? Do you like yourself? Because if you don't like you...nobody else will like you either. This means...get help, get therapy, get saved, get a job, lose weight, lose the attitude, gain confidence, gain weight, workout, get fit, get healthy, get educated, learn etiquette, get sophisticated, get busy, move out, stay put, do or learn whatever it is you need to KNOW will make you a better person for YOU! Not for someone else. Remember--- this program is about becoming the person you want to attract to yourself to marry or whatever...not about being who the society says you should be.
This is NOT a magic formula. This is going to take hard work and perseverance. The amount of time it takes is up to you. Remember...ANYBODY CAN GET MARRIED...but, it takes a special person to Marry Well.
Next time we will talk about how work, career and other life choices influence our ability to pick and marry well.
Happy renovations!
If you knew me personally, you would probably ask me what do I know about being married since I have never been married? Well...not legally that is, but I have had 3 long term relationships lasting over 5 years each, in which I shared residence, had children, performed housework, signed leases and did everything else that "married" people do, just without the ceremony, big white dress, fancy party, getting a messy divorce or all that other unnecessary "pomp and circumstance" that most people are accustomed to.
Don't be shocked if I tell you some things that you don't want to hear or do. If I didn't do that, then I wouldn't be doing my job properly. It is not that love and marriage is hard work, like most relationship counselors want you to think. Love and marriage with THE WRONG PERSON is hard work. Love and marriage to someone WHO DOESN'T HAVE A CLUE about what love and marriage is all about, is hard work. And, love and marriage with someone who DOESN'T WANT TO LEARN what love and marriage is all about, is even worse and even harder work.
This blog is going to be broken down into three sections: PREPARATION, CONTINUATION, AND TERMINATION. These are the things that we need to do "CONSCIOUSLY" before we get into a relationship that we hope will lead to marriage. I have not had a successful marriage, but I have had several successful relationships. Unfortunately, those relationships did not (and did not have to) culminate in signing papers, having children or going through a nasty and expensive divorce proceeding. Sometimes, marriage just is not "in the cards" (so to speak) for two people, and it is better for those two people to remain friends and keep it moving.
One thing I can tell you for sure...I did not choose well --- and I was not prepared to get married. I am still learning and I have learned from my past mistakes AND I've gathered enough material to write about it here. Without going into too much personal detail (because that is not necessary) I can tell you that I wish I had had someone to tell me how to do it. ("If I only knew then what I know now!") This is probably the reason that some cultures have arranged marriages, because young people are too stupid, or too trusting, or too hormone driven to make these types of decisions on their own. In some respects, that may be true...so why is there not more "MARRIAGE TRAINING" in schools or churches around the world? Well...in some respects there is...but it is disguised as RELIGION or DATING ADVICE. But, what I have found is that Religious leaders give people moral advice, and advice on how to be a "good Christian" or a "good Muslim" etc., they don't teach you how to break out of the mold of your parental upbringing or the society's expectations of your personal behavior in order to be truly happy with your chosen life partner.
And, dating advice never truly addresses the PSYCHOLOGICAL aspects of marriage and dating or the MORAL implications. That is because most people don't like to be either told that there may be something wrong with them emotionally, or mentally...nor do they want to be told who they can have sex with or not.
I do not want to know how to pick a good person...I know what a good person looks and feels like. I want to know what to do when that "good person" turns out to be a jerk or a user, but I've already put my love and trust in God and in them to "do the right thing" but THEY DON'T DO IT!!! You see...Religion is not a substitute for PSYCHOLOGICAL STABILITY. There are a bunch of people running around out there who are getting married, or who are already married to other people WHO ARE NOT NORMAL AND WHO HAVE SERIOUS PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS. That, my friend...is the bottom line for all relationship problems...for all business problems...for all religious problems...for all the problems concerning how people get along in this world in general.
SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST PLAIN BAT SHIT CRAZY!!! (Please excuse the profanity.)
This has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not you are gay or straight, believe in a particular religion's tenets or not, have lots of money or not, or whether you are attractive, intelligent, or talented or not. It has everything to do with discovering who you are as a person...so that you can BE the person you want to marry. What's that you say...Carla J.? That's right...I said: "You need to already be the person whom you wish to attract to marry." In the metaphysical world this is called the principal of Mutual Attraction or "like attracts like." You attract to your life the people, situations, jobs, physical objects, etc...everything that your mind is attracted to and thinks about constantly. But, it is not enough to attract that which you desire...you must know what to do with it after you get it. (Be careful of what you wish for... you just might get it!)
That is the reason for this blog. I am going to tell you how to attract that which you desire by being prepared for it. Because if you are not truly ready for it...it is not going to come. The Universe is MUCH SMARTER than you are. It knows what you need even before you know what you need...and it is just laying and waiting for you to recognize the signs that what you want is on the way
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
PREPARATION
Do you know that you get married in your mind BEFORE you actually get married in reality? It is mostly little girls who dream of being a mommy, having a home, taking care of a family, etc. Men sort of just go along with the program and somewhere around college age they figure out that it is time to find a suitable mate, settle down, have kids, yada, yada, yada. But, it is usually the women in their lives who are the driving force toward them actually getting married. That is why it is so important for the females in a society to be careful about how they approach life, how they are raised by their parents to approach life, and how they raise their children to approach life,in general. Whether or not two people eventually decide to marry or divorce, is a decision that will effect a female's entire life from the day she is born until the day she dies. Why?--- It's because females CARRY LIFE (period!)
The progress or downfall of any society can be measured by how well they treat or take care of their female citizens. If your females are abused, mistreated, discriminated against, confused, held down or held back...your society cannot and will not ADVANCE. I don't care how much progress you THINK the world has made up to this point...we are headed for a rude awakening when it comes to how well we have treated women in this (meaning the Western) and many other societies. When you lose respect for the development of your females...you might as well just kiss your futures good-bye.
Therefore, it is paramount for us to concentrate on how well we are raising our daughters. Then and only then will our sons be able to learn how to be father's,--- not from their mothers, but from the fathers who have learned from their fathers who have learned from their fathers, who have treated the women in their lives with love and respect. Do you see where I am going with this? If a son cannot and does not love and respect his own mother...how can he ever hope to learn how to love and respect the other women in his life? A good husband is a good son...and, a good daughter will make a good mother, who in turn will make a good wife...who in turn will keep her husband happy, who in turn will teach his sons how to keep their wives happy etc., etc.. Like the Chinese people say: "Happy wife...happy life."
So be very, very careful about who and what influences your children. Learn to be a good parent BEFORE you lay down to share your bodily fluids with ANYONE. We need to work on reversing or improving the marriage material we have within our beings that we acquired from our parents, and then use that as a FOUNDATION upon which we will build our marriage home. Without that foundation...your pending marriage or the one you have only dreamed about will be a failure before it has ever begun.
I don't know many people who were raised by wolves, (although they might act like the were) or people who were abandoned at birth by their mothers. SOMEBODY raised you to be the person who you are today. Yes, you have "developed" your personality, from outside influences and the other people you have been around. And, your family dynamics have very much (almost everything) to do with your personal future marital bliss. That is not to say that if you come from happy parents that you will definitely be happy, or if your parents divorced that your marriage will be an utter disaster. However, we do tend to learn from example. Therefore, if the example you had growing up is not working for you, then just get some new examples. Find out from old married couples what's kept them together. Ask other couples who are happy (or, at least appear to be happy), what's their secret. Read books, take notes, go to classes. Do whatever it is you need to do to FIX YOU...FIRST!!!
This has absolutely nothing to do with money, what you look like, what you do for a living, or anything like that. It is all about finding out if you are alright with who you are right now. Are you crazy? Did your parents or somebody else in your life make you crazy? Can you get along with people in general under most circumstances? Do you like yourself? Because if you don't like you...nobody else will like you either. This means...get help, get therapy, get saved, get a job, lose weight, lose the attitude, gain confidence, gain weight, workout, get fit, get healthy, get educated, learn etiquette, get sophisticated, get busy, move out, stay put, do or learn whatever it is you need to KNOW will make you a better person for YOU! Not for someone else. Remember--- this program is about becoming the person you want to attract to yourself to marry or whatever...not about being who the society says you should be.
This is NOT a magic formula. This is going to take hard work and perseverance. The amount of time it takes is up to you. Remember...ANYBODY CAN GET MARRIED...but, it takes a special person to Marry Well.
Next time we will talk about how work, career and other life choices influence our ability to pick and marry well.
Happy renovations!
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